Thankful.

1. One day closer to getting my Winter Ninja
2. ♥ Waking up to mushy texts from the boyfriend ♥
   
3. Friends who make me laugh
4. Butterscotch bars
5. Sheldon Cooper

I need a name!

He's on his way... just left Chicago about a couple of hours ago. I really don't want to keep calling him Winter but I can't come up with a name. The boyfriend jokingly suggested Percy. At least I hope he was joking.

You're so going to get sick of my Winter Ninja posts. I wish I could say I'm going to stop gushing about him once I have him in my hands but.... there will be photoshoots galore. He shall be blogged about incessantly. There will be daily tweets and twitpics. Facebook statuses shall mostly be about him.

The boyfriend will probably be a bit jealous of him too. It's possible. I'm already in love with him and he's still on a plane on his way to me.

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. I just happen to have a really soft spot for Shawnimals ninjas. Cute little buggers.

A change brought about by winter.

A couple of things.... one, I have to buckle down and revamp this blog already. It's too dark and frankly, I'm so over the old layout. Time to make a change. I'm thinking three columns with a light and fun background. Simple but still amazing. Gotta start looking for ideas. In the meantime, a slight revamp wouldn't hurt.

And... I need to start writing again. I've neglected my journals and I have tons of stories I need to finish. I just need to get my head into the whole creative process again. Gotta stop putting off stuff and start finishing my stories.

Now, the whole reason behind this post is so I could BRAG about something really awesome. First I have to say, I have got THE best boyfriend in the world. He absolutely, amazingly, spectacularly rocks. If you ever find yourselves around him, hold on to your socks... ok?

So... on to the thing I wanted to brag about....

I'm getting a Shawnimals Winter Ninja in just a few days!!!!

Beat that. ♥

On the contrary...

A line in the movie Sweet Home Alabama best sums up what I'm feeling right now...

"Honey, just because I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid."

You know what I hate? What I really, truly hate? Is when people I love and who claim to love me treat me like I'm some brain dead slug.

Genius I may not be but I'm not stupid either. No sir, I'm not. Just because you THINK you've gotten away with it doesn't mean you've gotten away with it.

If it didn't hurt so effing much, this... all of this would be so freaking hilarious.

A list, some pictures and HRP.

Five things that I'm grateful for today:
1. My internet connection worked and I was able to load all my pages.
2. Dreamed about really good things and woke up remembering 'em.
3. I was able to take really GREAT pictures of one of my ninjas.
4. Talked to my Ducky and we're on Day 3 of our No Fighting Week.
5. I'm alive, loved and can love.

Some pictures:

HRP
I'm in a really great relationship and because of this, I'm not quite sure how to proceed. I've only ever been in really horrible, really painful relationships so I'm treading on unfamiliar territory. Because of this, my insecurities are surfacing and I've been picking fights with my boyfriend... a lot. I really don't want to argue or even quibble but somehow, I can't seem to stop myself. My insecurities are causing my boyfriend and I some really potentially devastating problems and only recently did I find an explanation as to why I'm the way I am this time around. (God my grammar has gone straight to hell.)

Anyway, I'm suffering from what's known as HRP or Happy Relationship Paranoia. I read about it in a webcomic that, of all people, my boyfriend linked me to. In the comic, HRP is described like so, "It's when you're in a great relationship, but can't stop worrying that you'll fuck it up or that it's gonna end somehow."

Now that I know what it is, I can be more aware of what I'm doing. Just recently we declared a No Fighting Week and so far, it's going great.

A Round Up
There's more but I'm so lazy to sum everything up. Maybe next time.

Inspiration.

I follow a lot of blogs and as a result, I get inspired by their nifty little ideas and awesomely inspired posts. And because my Mom keeps telling me I need a shot of bliss in my life, I decided to "follow" these awesome people's leads and see if posting about the stuff that makes me happy can actually make me happy. Convoluted but it makes sense in my head. S'what matters, really.

So here goes...

But first, here are a few pictures.

Can't we all just get along?

After much cajoling and groveling from me, a couple of time outs and the threat of losing their computer privileges, these two decided they can, after all, be friends.

I love happy endings.

My fortune for the day.... PORK!

New toy alert. Fortune Pork Series 2. His name is Woggle. And I love him to pieces. That is all. Life is just too complicated and depressing right now to warrant a post so this'll hafta do.

Rainy day blues.

When was the last time you held hands with your significant other? Or just spent the day huddled together under the covers, giggling like fiends over shared jokes... when you last shared a sandwich or a pint of chocolate ice cream? Or when you last spent the day just being together, catching up on each others' lives, making up for lost cuddling opportunities?

Sometimes we forget to stop and just appreciate that when we reach out, there's a hand waiting to take hold of us. We take for granted that a cuddle is only an arm's length away... that a kiss is just a few feet away, in the other room.

I have a boyfriend. A really great one. He loves me and tolerates my many moods. He understands my obsession with toys and sometimes (ok, most of the time...) indulges my whims. He is patient with me despite my legions of flaws and insecurities and petty demands. He talks me through really tough times and comforts me with promises of better days. He surprises me with random emails, peppers me with sweet texts and he calls me babygirl. I'm a very lucky girl, indeed. There isn't a day I don't thank the heavens that I have him in my life.

Everything would be perfect if only he didn't live across the ocean. A bajillion miles away from me. And so everything we do, I horde away for when I need to cuddle. Everything he tells me, I try to remember for the days when I need to be reminded that somebody loves me. All our conversations, savored and recalled during rainy days when all I really want to do is huddle under the covers, with him... giggling over shared jokes, catching up on each others' lives.

Abort. Retry. Fail.

The last few days have been tough on me... emotionally. It's like fate has it in for me. Like I have no right to happiness. Even temporarily. Everything comes with a goddamned catch.

"Ok, you can have a boyfriend but he has to live on the other side of the world...."

"Ok, you can finally stop being paranoid because this one is honest but you're not going to like the answers so be sure you're prepared to deal with the pain..."

"Sure, you can tell the world you're in a relationship but the world won't necessarily believe you..."

There's something to be said about knowing that your man is 100% honest with you. Specially if you've been in dishonest relationships in the past... but sometimes, the truth, no matter how much you claim you want the whole of it, cuts to the bone.

Why can't I just deal with one fucking depressing aspect of my life at a time? Why must they all happen ALL at FUCKING ONCE?